I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
