I'm drive I can fine osifer
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
