Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Come on in and take your pants off
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