Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
