Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
