We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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