Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
