FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
