I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
