What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Drunk is not a location!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
