i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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