So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
