So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
