watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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