I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
