I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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