First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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