While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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