the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
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he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
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One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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