it hurts more in the daytime
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
