She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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