I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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