We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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