I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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