I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
