Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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