uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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