theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
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i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
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The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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