I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Couch. On fire.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
