Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
