3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
