I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
