is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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