Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
