I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
