So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Why are your pants in the freezer?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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