Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
