Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
