You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
