She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
