oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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