he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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