i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
