and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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