somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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