It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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