im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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