My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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