I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
you never un-have a 4some
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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