we're chasing vodka with high fives
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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