so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Shitshow foam night was such a success
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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