hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
