He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
