I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
