she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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