Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
