We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just googled if crying burns calories
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
