I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
