We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
