were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
