I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
