I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
