I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you didnt know i had herpes?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
