Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
