I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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